first let me say that I love Adele's "Someone Like You" but moving on...
it has often been said to me that I am the only one to blame for my single status. that I find fault in everyone and everything. that I get annoyed. that I get bored easily. that I don't consider anyone good enough. but more importantly, that I am very unforgiving. (that part is only true if I've given my heart and someone misused it. other than that, if I sense BS, I just don't want to be bothered. no forgiveness needed. I'm out, plain and simple.) some of this I can admit to. but hey, why should I settle? the truth behind the title is that the only way I would ever be truly happy is if I could piece together my favorite features/characteristics of past boyfriends/lovers to make the perfect man. yeah, yeah, it's impossible but let me dream a little LOL. let's go over some of my favorites, shall we?
E who is chocolate gorgeousness!!!! his smile, his swag, that NY accent, that look he gives me, the only person I've ever met that gets the panties without hesitation. biggest freak I've ever met. I don't care where we are in our lives, we always find our way back to each other. *whew* he's 5'11" of perfection, has a great job and is working on his MBA. he loves me and the kids. always calls me his Honduran queen. and yes, as corny as it sounds, he's always super sweet. all of that, and it's still never a good time for us to be serious about each other. that's 6 years in the making. too long, if you ask me for us to still not have figured this out. ok, moving on.
K who is packing like no other. I swear that thing is laced with crack. he treats me good, mainly because I've trained him to. I don't know who the heck was dealing with him before, but he's gotten a lot better nonetheless. we used to be besties, but because of the relationship that became limited. we're complicated together. we're both stubborn and hard-headed as hell. not really a freak, but I think that's because we haven't fully explored each other. he works a lot and never really has time for us to do a whole lot, or won't make time. I prefer to choose the latter. I'm always welcome to come over and hang out, just as long as I'm not interfering with football. he has a great job as well and loves kids even though he's never met mine.
A who was the first person I dated after my kids' dad and I broke up. nicest guy I've ever met. always pleasant. always willing to bend over backwards to help me out because that other nigga had carried me. he let me drop him off at work and keep his car when I didn't have one. gave me money for rent and bills. added me to his cell phone acct. damn... like most nice guys though, I did his ass wrong. I was in a messed up place and he came along at the wrong time. I took advantage of his niceness and ended up carrying the shit out of him. my self-esteem got a lil boost (after B had killed it) and I started seeing other dudes behind his back. I had some nerve. he didn't deserve that from me. *shrugs* I lost touch with him and never got to apologize.
those are the main ones that I can think of right now. I guess they stood out the most. if you're reading this, have dated me before and didn't make the list, I'm sorry. but not really. you just didn't make the cut, plus I didn't want to drag this post out any longer. ladies, I know y'all feel me. have heterosexual men - who have decent-sized Ds, can maintain a job, can hold an intelligent conversation, don't have 19 baby mamas or a wife (!!!), and will hold the door open for you - become extinct? they might have...
Friday, October 28, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
baby mommas
my cousin recently noted on twitter that "no one ever plans to be a baby momma". I haven't been able to stop thinking about that statement ever since and so, I'm going in...
I hate the term with a passion but what else can I do but acknowledge the fact that I am someone's baby momma. (I can't stand my baby daddy almost as much as I hate both of these terms, but I'll leave that alone for right now.) anywho, eff the fact that I was young (16) and looking for love in all of the wrong places and got knocked up. eff the fact that he already had kids (he's much older) and that I became one of many baby mommas. and eff the fact that he should've known better seeing as he already had said children that he didn't/doesn't take care of. my issues with my baby daddy are numerous, but in the end, I have two beautiful babies.
I've often wondered where my life would be if I wasn't someone's baby momma. as I've mentioned before, I kinda got it going on for someone my age and with limited education. do u have any idea of all the ways I could be funning it up right now? I could be going on trips with my girlfriends; them broads don't even invite me anymore because I can never go. I could've invested some funds somewhere and watched that baby grow; instead I'm scraping change to make that much-needed trip to the grocery store. I could go to the gym erryday and be tight as ish; nope, my booty jiggles and I have stretch marks. I could be careless/free-as-a-bird with my goodies and give them to whomever I felt like giving them to; uh uh, I'm somebody's momma, remember? I must set good examples at all times. I could be getting white-boy wasted erry weekend, just because. shit, I work hard, I should be able to play hard too; no way, I have to help someone complete that gotdamn science project that we're already running behind on. not to mention football/basketball/cheerleading/soccer/tennis or whatever the hell else has captured their interest this season. man, I could be so fly and buy stuff that wasn't on sale (EVERYTHING I buy has to be on sale or I'm not buying) and when I wanted, not just when I needed something; hell no, that little bit of extra cash is going to something that the kids need or want, maybe some shoes or a coat but probably some new video game or art set or some other shit. but basically, I'd be fly, free and ballin'!!!!
the flipside is that I have friends who are my age or close to it, who don't have kids and while they are allowed to do all of these things that I mentioned above. they don't usually seem so happy to me. they usually have a lot of debt; maybe they forgot that they were actually ballin' on a budget. their significant others aren't usually all that, or really thinking about being committed (which is a HUGE issue to me; please don't waste my time). they're probably still living with their parents; again, ballin' on a budget. they're almost as broke as I am LOL. but overall, there is nothing in their lives that is truly fulfilling. there is no true love in their lives. there usually isn't a whole lot that they are passionate about. I'm not talking about all child-less folks, I'm talking about a select few of my friends whom I've paid close attention to.
so in the end, am I glad to be someone else's baby momma? hell no. I would much rather have a partner and to have gotten some of my goals accomplished before I became someone's Mom. but like I said before, I love those little ones more than myself and more than anyone/anything else that could ever exist. they're the only ones who will always love me unconditionally besides my parents and Jesus. and even my parents get funny from time to time. when my day has been shitty and I get home, they genuinely are happy to see me. who the hell else do I have that effect on? do they get on my nerves or vice versa? all the time do we get over it? almost immediately. there is nothing else in life that gives me as much fulfillment as taking care of them does. nothing else really matters at the end of the day. not money, not n*ggas, not my job. seeing them succeed is the ultimate goal.
oh and shout to all the baby mommas who are doing the damn thing! u know who u are :)
I hate the term with a passion but what else can I do but acknowledge the fact that I am someone's baby momma. (I can't stand my baby daddy almost as much as I hate both of these terms, but I'll leave that alone for right now.) anywho, eff the fact that I was young (16) and looking for love in all of the wrong places and got knocked up. eff the fact that he already had kids (he's much older) and that I became one of many baby mommas. and eff the fact that he should've known better seeing as he already had said children that he didn't/doesn't take care of. my issues with my baby daddy are numerous, but in the end, I have two beautiful babies.
I've often wondered where my life would be if I wasn't someone's baby momma. as I've mentioned before, I kinda got it going on for someone my age and with limited education. do u have any idea of all the ways I could be funning it up right now? I could be going on trips with my girlfriends; them broads don't even invite me anymore because I can never go. I could've invested some funds somewhere and watched that baby grow; instead I'm scraping change to make that much-needed trip to the grocery store. I could go to the gym erryday and be tight as ish; nope, my booty jiggles and I have stretch marks. I could be careless/free-as-a-bird with my goodies and give them to whomever I felt like giving them to; uh uh, I'm somebody's momma, remember? I must set good examples at all times. I could be getting white-boy wasted erry weekend, just because. shit, I work hard, I should be able to play hard too; no way, I have to help someone complete that gotdamn science project that we're already running behind on. not to mention football/basketball/cheerleading/soccer/tennis or whatever the hell else has captured their interest this season. man, I could be so fly and buy stuff that wasn't on sale (EVERYTHING I buy has to be on sale or I'm not buying) and when I wanted, not just when I needed something; hell no, that little bit of extra cash is going to something that the kids need or want, maybe some shoes or a coat but probably some new video game or art set or some other shit. but basically, I'd be fly, free and ballin'!!!!
the flipside is that I have friends who are my age or close to it, who don't have kids and while they are allowed to do all of these things that I mentioned above. they don't usually seem so happy to me. they usually have a lot of debt; maybe they forgot that they were actually ballin' on a budget. their significant others aren't usually all that, or really thinking about being committed (which is a HUGE issue to me; please don't waste my time). they're probably still living with their parents; again, ballin' on a budget. they're almost as broke as I am LOL. but overall, there is nothing in their lives that is truly fulfilling. there is no true love in their lives. there usually isn't a whole lot that they are passionate about. I'm not talking about all child-less folks, I'm talking about a select few of my friends whom I've paid close attention to.
so in the end, am I glad to be someone else's baby momma? hell no. I would much rather have a partner and to have gotten some of my goals accomplished before I became someone's Mom. but like I said before, I love those little ones more than myself and more than anyone/anything else that could ever exist. they're the only ones who will always love me unconditionally besides my parents and Jesus. and even my parents get funny from time to time. when my day has been shitty and I get home, they genuinely are happy to see me. who the hell else do I have that effect on? do they get on my nerves or vice versa? all the time do we get over it? almost immediately. there is nothing else in life that gives me as much fulfillment as taking care of them does. nothing else really matters at the end of the day. not money, not n*ggas, not my job. seeing them succeed is the ultimate goal.
oh and shout to all the baby mommas who are doing the damn thing! u know who u are :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
watch yourself
I'm going to generalize men and women for purposes of this post... I really hate to, but I find it necessary specifically to prove a point. (also, I started writing this a while ago and just came back across it again today.)
it all starts at the very beginning. Ladies: don't chase a man. don't pursue a man. stay in your place at all times and let him be the man that he was made to be. Prov. 18:22 clearly says that when a MAN FINDS A WIFE... not the other way around. I truly believe that he has to come and get you in order to fulfill that "hunting" instinct that they have. we have to work for anything worth having in order to fully enjoy the fruits of our labor. if you were an easy catch, there was no labor involved. which is why it's so easy for them to drop you and move on to the next easy target. you wouldn't be so quick to drop and leave something that you worked hard to get and that you had to sacrfice something for.
I was being reckless while talking to my on-and-off again boo the other day and he finally had to cut me off. he's never been rude, but he politely sent me a text message that said "don't forget who you're talking to. I'm only reminding you because you get out the pocket sometimes and I have to let you know who's really running sh*t". (SN: I'm not gonna break his heart by showing him who really runs sh*t LOL, but the point was to let me know to shut the f*ck up and I got it, real quick.) a real man isn't going to let you make him feel any less than what he is. if he does, trying to make time for you to get it together, it won't be for long. even my kids' father, who as far as I'm concerned is good for nothing, will hang the phone up on me before he'd ever let me tell him how "good for nothing" I find him to be. and the guy that I talked about in this post , told me once that he did not "allow" women to talk to him any ole kind of way. this was in the middle of an argument that I eventually walked away from. while I was not going to sit there and let someone tell me, a grown ass woman, what I am and am not "allowed" to do, once again I got the point.
on one hand, I am proof that sometimes we as women are placed into a man's role thru no fault of our own. however, when you meet a man who is willing to step up to the plate, please let him be the man. I long for the moment when I can finally be someone's helper and not the head. and if my kids' father ever gets his life straight and decides that he is finally ready to act like someone's father, then I'll step to the side and let him take his place back (this is, of course, dependent on him actually getting his ish together). let's be clear that that applies to their lives and not mine LOL. that dude will never again claim me.
it all starts at the very beginning. Ladies: don't chase a man. don't pursue a man. stay in your place at all times and let him be the man that he was made to be. Prov. 18:22 clearly says that when a MAN FINDS A WIFE... not the other way around. I truly believe that he has to come and get you in order to fulfill that "hunting" instinct that they have. we have to work for anything worth having in order to fully enjoy the fruits of our labor. if you were an easy catch, there was no labor involved. which is why it's so easy for them to drop you and move on to the next easy target. you wouldn't be so quick to drop and leave something that you worked hard to get and that you had to sacrfice something for.
I was being reckless while talking to my on-and-off again boo the other day and he finally had to cut me off. he's never been rude, but he politely sent me a text message that said "don't forget who you're talking to. I'm only reminding you because you get out the pocket sometimes and I have to let you know who's really running sh*t". (SN: I'm not gonna break his heart by showing him who really runs sh*t LOL, but the point was to let me know to shut the f*ck up and I got it, real quick.) a real man isn't going to let you make him feel any less than what he is. if he does, trying to make time for you to get it together, it won't be for long. even my kids' father, who as far as I'm concerned is good for nothing, will hang the phone up on me before he'd ever let me tell him how "good for nothing" I find him to be. and the guy that I talked about in this post , told me once that he did not "allow" women to talk to him any ole kind of way. this was in the middle of an argument that I eventually walked away from. while I was not going to sit there and let someone tell me, a grown ass woman, what I am and am not "allowed" to do, once again I got the point.
on one hand, I am proof that sometimes we as women are placed into a man's role thru no fault of our own. however, when you meet a man who is willing to step up to the plate, please let him be the man. I long for the moment when I can finally be someone's helper and not the head. and if my kids' father ever gets his life straight and decides that he is finally ready to act like someone's father, then I'll step to the side and let him take his place back (this is, of course, dependent on him actually getting his ish together). let's be clear that that applies to their lives and not mine LOL. that dude will never again claim me.
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